No More Pedestals: Growing Inner Power in Therapy
The Pedestal Trap
Therapy often begins with an unevenness: I have the training and the office; you come seeking help. TThat gap almost always sparks a fantasy: one day I’m the one who will fix everything; the next, I’m the disappointment. Either way, power slides out of your hands and into mine, and we end up caught in a Strong-One / Weak-One loop that slows growth.
Idealization Feels Comforting — and Limiting
From the start we’re taught that safety depends on pleasing bigger people. At home, at school, in doctors’ offices—even in church—the rule is clear: Be good and you’ll be rewarded; step out of line and there’s a cost. Obedience is praised, resistance is punished, and the quickest way to stay safe is to hand our power to the Big One in the room.
That reflex follows us into therapy. The pedestal feels soothing—until it tips. The savior image cracks, disappointment rushes in, and progress stalls.
Healing begins the moment we notice that hand-off and gently call our power back home.
Power as Something We Co-Create
The real work happens in the space between us. I bring clinical skill, but you hold the felt sense of your truth. Naming that openly—“I influence the process, and so do you”—turns therapy into partnership:
Shared steering. Pace and direction are chosen together.
Guided service, not secret power. At times I’ll lead—say, facilitating a dialogue between your Core Self and a Part—but I’m demonstrating a learn-able practice, not wielding hidden expertise. I show you the mechanics so you can carry it forward on your own.
Rupture–repair. Mis-attunements happen; working through them builds real security.
Regular check-ins. I’ll ask, “How does this land in your head, heart, and body?” Your answer guides our next step.
In that shared field, authority becomes a resource between us.
Boundaries That Feel Human and Safe
Clear, warm agreements. Session logistics and the path are set up front so everyone’s nervous system can settle.
Full transparency. I often explain exactly what we’re doing—right down to the science—so there’s no mystique.
Clear lens.
Earlier in my career the line between therapy and teaching was loose. When a client joined an Enneagram training, they heard more of my personal process. That exposure showed us both how much we leaned on a healer image.
Now, if a therapy client wants to study with me, we name the difference up front: therapy time is about you; class time includes more of me, and others. Any reactions—admiration, annoyance, confusion—come back into session for exploration.
Certain crossings stay closed: no mentorships, teacher-assistant roles, or co-teaching with current or former clients. Those hats now stay on separate hooks to keep the field clean.
Good boundaries build the container; honest conversation about what arises inside that container turns it into real change.
Calling My Own Power Home
I carry a Little-One inside—a part that scans for bigger, wiser people to lean on. For years I projected my power onto teachers, therapists, and my partner, then expected to be rescued. Calling that power back has been central to my path and has given me a healthy sensitivity to this dynamic in my clients. Practices that help include:
Inner-child repair. Meeting the younger part of me, listening, and offering real choices.
Somatic Experiencing. Tracking the moment power leaks out—breath flattens, shoulders dip, eyes gaze upward—then grounding into my gut and backbone and inviting it home.
Archetypal embodiment. Visualizing steady images—mountain, oak, bison—and feeling their strength inside my body.
Each time I reclaim the felt sense of power, the Strong-One / Weak-One story loosens its grip.
A Reflection for Therapist-Colleagues
Many of us sit in both chairs. We try to protect clients by holding all the power, but an endless gap keeps them small and weighs us down. Questions I keep alive:
Where is the power right now—inside me, inside my client, or balanced?
What body cues tell me it’s shifting?
How can I keep clear roles while inviting clients to stand on their own feet?
These questions evolve with practice; they don’t need quick answers.
Walking Each Other Home
No list of credentials changes this simple fact: we are fellow travelers. Therapy becomes more profound when we stop playing the Strong-One and the Weak-One and meet as two evolving adults.
I may offer ideas or practices; you test them against your own inner authority. Either way, the aim is the same: bringing power home.
Note: I use AI to help with wording and edits; all ideas and examples are mine, and I personally revise every line.
