Growing Inner Power in Therapy
The Pedestal Trap
Therapy often begins with an unevenness: I have the training and the office; you come seeking help. TThat gap almost always sparks a fantasy: one day I’m the one who will fix everything; the next, I’m the disappointment. Either way, power slides out of your hands and into mine, and we end up caught in a Strong-One / Weak-One loop that slows growth.
Idealization Feels Comforting — and Limiting
As children, we idealize caregivers; their imagined perfection steadies our small nervous systems and secures attachment. Holding that certainty frees us to grow instead of scanning for danger.
Soon, safety feels like performance. Home, school, doctor’s office, church—obedience earns praise; dissent brings consequences. The easiest survival strategy is to hand our power to the Big One in the room.
That reflex follows us into therapy. A therapist on a pedestal feels soothing—until it tips. The savior image inevitably cracks, disappointment seeps in, and progress stalls.
Deeper healing begins the moment we recognize that hand-off, pause, and bring our power back home.
Power as Something We Co-Create
The real work happens in the space between us. I bring clinical skill, but you hold the felt sense of your truth. Naming that openly—“I influence the process, and so do you”—turns therapy into partnership:
Shared steering. Pace and direction are chosen together.
Guided service, not secret power. At times I’ll lead—say, facilitating a dialogue between your Core Self and a Part—but I’m demonstrating a learn-able practice, not wielding hidden expertise. I show you the mechanics so you can carry it forward on your own.
Rupture–repair. Mis-attunements happen; working through them builds real security.
Regular check-ins. I’ll ask, “How does this land in your head, heart, and body?” Your answer guides our next step.
In that shared field, authority becomes a resource between us.
Boundaries That Feel Human and Safe
Clear, warm agreements. Session logistics and the path are set up front so everyone’s nervous system can settle.
Full transparency. I often explain exactly what we’re doing—right down to the science—so there’s no mystique.
Clear lens.
Earlier in my career the line between therapy and teaching was loose. When a client joined an Enneagram training, they heard more of my personal process. That exposure showed us both how much we leaned on a healer image.
Now, if a therapy client wants to study with me, we name the difference up front: therapy time is about you; class time includes more of me, and others. Any reactions—admiration, annoyance, confusion—come back into session for exploration.
Certain crossings stay closed: no mentorships, teacher-assistant roles, or co-teaching with current or former clients. Those hats now stay on separate hooks to keep the field clean.
Calling My Own Power Home
I carry a Little-One inside—a part that scans for bigger, wiser people to lean on. For years I projected my power onto teachers, therapists, and my partner, then expected to be rescued. Calling that power back has been central to my path and has given me a healthy sensitivity to this dynamic in my clients. Practices that help include:
Inner-child repair. Meeting the younger part of me, listening, and offering real choices.
Somatic Experiencing. Tracking the moment power leaks out—breath flattens, shoulders dip, eyes gaze upward—then grounding into my gut and backbone and inviting it home.
Archetypal embodiment. Visualizing steady images—mountain, oak, bison—and feeling their strength inside my body.
A Reflection for Therapist-Colleagues
We all feel the pull—often unconscious—to satisfy a client’s longing for an ideal caretaker. Each time we step into that role, the power gap widens: clients stay small and we grow heavy with responsibility.
Questions I keep alive
What idealization is alive now—am I on the pedestal?
How is power distributed: in me, in my client, or shared?
What body cues signal the tilt?
How can I honor my role while inviting the client to stand on their own feet?
Walking Each Other Home
No list of credentials changes this simple fact: we are fellow travelers. Therapy becomes more profound when we stop playing the Strong-One and the Weak-One and meet as two evolving adults.
Note: I use AI to help with wording and edits; all ideas and examples are mine, and I personally revise every line.
